


going around in circles

by aynjuhl



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Drunk Amy Santiago, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Season 1/2, Unresolved Sexual Tension, guns and violence in future chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23653030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aynjuhl/pseuds/aynjuhl
Summary: Amy had just broken up with Teddy and now she was in the bathroom cubicle, her face in her hands, heart aching - and the worst part? It wasn't even over the breakup.
Relationships: Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta/Sophia Perez
Comments: 51
Kudos: 117





	1. "we're just friends"

**Author's Note:**

> “...do you... still have feelings for Jake?”
> 
> Amy was awake now. Not sober, but definitely aware. She blinked, her mind running a mile a minute, searching for an appropriate response to her question.
> 
> “You know what? Forget about it, this was dumb.” Sophia said, turning on her heels to walk away. 
> 
> “Yes. I do.” 
> 
> (Author's note: This fanfic was written for @Sambergswhore aka Issraa. She requested and I provided bcus I am a good friend and also because I needed to write something other than smut and this was a good break XD It's 2.30am here when I posted this so I am delirious. Also I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd just finish this chapter before going to bed so I didn't even proofread. I'll do that tomorrow morning when I'm sane again lmfao
> 
> Here's to you Issraa ily you bitch <3)

The ride back to the precinct felt longer than she had expected it to be and she knew exactly why. It was the awkward air lingering in the car, just bouncing off between Jake and her. It was deafening that she was sure that even the perp could feel it. 

“How’d it go with Sophia?” she had to ask. Not that she wanted to know but because she cared. A friend should care.

“Good. We made up. We’re still together. I told her, you know, that everything with me and you is in the past.. and we’re just friends so…” 

Amy found herself nodding absent-mindedly at him just to indicate that she was listening and that she understood the situation. But upon hearing the words ‘just friends’ caused her body to stiffen involuntarily followed by an uncomfortable feeling at the pit of her stomach. 

She felt numb. 

Her gaze stayed on him for what seemed like an eternity; thoughts running through her head, memories coming back - bad jokes, stolen glances, and unsaid words, they were all coming back, crashing into her like waves. 

These emotions were not familiar to her. Sure, she had felt it before but never like this. 

Never this loud.

Catching herself staring at him, Amy quickly averted her eyes to focus on the trees outside the car window instead. 

Silence swallowed the car and for a minute there and all she could hear were the buzzing sound of the car and the perp’s clothes rustling as he moved about in the back seat. 

“I mean don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to know that you used to like me and I will bring it up constantly.”

She hated him. Hated him for teasing her the way he did. Hated him for all the stupid sex tape jokes. Hated him for all the bets he put her through knowing full well that she’d agree on it. Hated the way he would make her laugh at the most inappropriate time. Hated him for the random sweet comments about how good she looks. Hated the way his eyes would linger on her long enough for her to notice. Hated how quickly he’d look away the moment she turned to look back at him. Hated the way he’d make her smile without even trying. 

But most of all, she hated him for not telling her how he felt before she started going out with Teddy.

But Amy couldn’t bring herself to blame him for everything. 

_She_ could’ve said something first.

But denials were a bitch and she hated herself for making herself believe that whatever they had was ‘nothing.’ 

_“I kinda wish something could happen between us. Romantic-stylez.”_

She remembered that night. She remembered those exact words and how it made her heart stop for just a millisecond before it started pounding against her chest so hard that she could hear it ringing in her ears.

She was immediately at loss for words. She could hear her thoughts screaming at her to open her mouth to say something but nothing. He was talking too fast and she was still trying to form sentences in her head when he started walking away. She opened her mouth then, but nothing came out. She stood there numb as she watched him get into his car and then finally driving away - not once turning to look back at her.

Her eyes followed his car until it disappeared around the corner. She blinked, her vision blurred, only realizing that tears were pooling in her eyes. 

Why did that affect her so much? She was with Teddy. She was happy. Right? 

The car ride was quiet for the next hour with the occasional sound of Jake clearing his throat breaking the silence. She could feel him glancing at her once in a while, making her shift in her seat uncomfortably as she furrowed her eyebrows to look out the window, concentrating on the shape of the trees and the grass and literally everything else except for him. 

She didn’t trust herself to look at him. She wasn’t prepared for the emotions that would follow. 

They arrived in the precinct and Amy quickly exited the car with a - ‘I gotta go to the bathroom,” before disappearing into the building. And so she sat there in the cubicle with her face in her hands. She hated how terrible she was feeling and it wasn’t even over her breakup with Teddy.

She released a long sigh, rubbing her hands on her thighs to calm her bouncing legs.

“Okay, Amy. Okay. You’re good. You’ll be fine. You can get through this.”

And for a second there, she believed she could. 

\-------------------

A month had passed and she was getting better at concealing her emotions. She was even kind of proud of herself for not running to the bathroom every time Jake would bring up Sophia. 

Admittedly, the first few days were difficult. 

Everyone in the precinct, including the janitors could tell that she was not herself. She was all dark and gloomy and always disappearing into the bathroom every other hour. 

It almost definitely made things harder when Sophia would drop by the precinct every few days. “Hi, Amy,” she would greet her and she would have no choice but to look up from her desk to acknowledge her. 

“Hiiiiiii.” she replied a little too enthusiastically. 

Jake’s eyebrow raised at that, probably wondering where that high-pitched, enthusiastic ‘Hi’ had come from. 

She wanted to slap herself. 

Before she could make a fool of herself even more, Jake had stood up from his chair and offered his arm at Sophia. “M’lady.” he said with a smile. “Where shall we have lunch today?”

“I kinda miss pizza.” 

“I can’t believe you’re my girlfriend. Onwards!” He exclaimed, marching out of the bullpen with Sophia who turned her head back just a little to wave Amy goodbye. 

Sophia was beautiful and smart and had a lot in common with Jake. She could see why he chose her. Amy was just too different. She was all about rules and plans and binders and Jake was the complete opposite of those things. Amy thought that maybe it was for the better that he had stayed with Sophia because he probably wouldn’t be happy with her. She couldn’t understand why he had even liked her in the first place. 

But it still felt nice. That he had liked her that way. 

She watched them disappear behind the elevator doors, anticipating that ugly heart-wrenching feeling, and that weird sensation at the pit of her stomach - and then she was off her chair and into the corridor, practically sprinting to the women’s bathroom. 

These emotions were new to her and they were making her look weak and she hated it. On good days, she’d be able to hold in the tears. Normally she’d escape to the bathroom to splash water on her face, to cool herself off and she’d be okay again. On bad days? On bad days, she’d let the emotions take over where she would sit in the cubicle and let out a few painful sobs but keeping her head tilted up to keep her tears from falling.

She was happy for him but _why did it have to hurt this much?_

For the next few days, everyone was treating her differently, a little _too_ nice. They had figured it out, thinking that she was just upset over her breakup. 

“Sure, yeah. It’s been hard.” She would say whenever someone would come up to her, striking up a conversation with the usual line, _‘tough breakup huh?’_

Boyle was offering her hugs every day, telling her how the hugs from his dad had helped him go through his breakups over the years. “Boyle hugs are the best!” he would say. She gave in to at least 3 of those offers. 

Gina had told her that she was a ‘Queen’ and that she shouldn’t let some loser guy like Teddy affect her this much. “One day you will look back on this day and think, why was I this lame? And hate yourself for it. So Amy, don’t be lame.” Amy knew she meant well. 

And Rosa, being Rosa, had tried to comfort her with a much different approach and it involved throwing heavy objects off the roof and fire and explosion and weirdly, a lot of stabbing. Mannequins. Stabbing mannequins. 

She did end up going with Rosa to some shady looking alley where they could beat on broken televisions and microwaves with their batons. The adrenaline came fast but also dissipated as quickly as it appeared and she just stood there, staring blankly at the pieces of broken glass under her feet.

Rosa had moved to stand beside her, placing a hand on her back, patting it gently.

“This isn’t about Teddy.” 

Amy was not surprised that Rosa would eventually figure it out; they were the Sleuth Sisters after all. Rosa could read her better than anyone. 

Amy wrapped her arms around herself and shook her head, a sigh escaping her lips. 

“Should I kill Sophia?”

“What? Rosa, no!” 

“Just trying to help.”

“I know…” 

\-------------------

Amy was doing much better now. She had drowned herself in work and cases to keep herself distracted from all the emotions. It did help get her mind off of Jake.

But it could also have something to do with Jake being absent around her for 80 percent of the time that month which made it easier for her to not think about him. He would sit in his desk for no longer than half an hour every day before leaving the precinct to go work on a case.

Amy did miss seeing him sit across her table and hearing his voice and those jokes that he’d make that never failed to make her smile secretly behind her desktop monitor. But it was for the better - for him to be away. 

\-------------------

Jake had purposely asked to be assigned more cases. He needed a reason to not spend his whole day at the precinct. 

He had kept himself busy with new cases because he, too, needed a distraction, from what Rosa had _accidentally_ said to him.

“Jake, I love you but you gotta stop talking about Sophia at the precinct, especially around Amy.”

“Why? Wait, what? Amy? Why?” 

Rosa’s eyes widened, realizing what she had done. She groaned and slammed her palms against the steering wheel, frustrated with herself. Rosa was just irritated at everything that was happening that day; having a flat tire on her motorbike and losing a suspect to name a few, her mind was all over the place and it wasn’t like her to slip up like this. 

Rosa contemplated for a second on whether or not she should just tell Jake everything. Technically, Amy never told her to keep it a secret. But also maybe she had expected her to. But, what if she wouldn’t mind? She hated this. THIS is why she tries to avoid personal life conversations at all costs. 

“Okay, you know what, fuck it. I hate seeing her like that and I don’t want you to feel bad about it either but I feel like you should know.”

Jake swallowed the lump in his throat, unsure where this was going but was scared anyway.

“Amy’s not over you.” She said matter-of-factly.

He repeated those words in his head. _But when was she ever on me?_ He thought to himself but immediately remembered the events that had taken place at the bed and breakfast.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Look, man, I don’t want things to get even more awkward between you two. I know she’s trying her best to deal with her emotions and I don’t know what you’re gonna do but just don’t be weird about it. Just maybe not talk about Sophia around her.”

_Well, that changes things._

It had only been a few days since he found out the reason that Amy had been emotionally distant from everyone else was because of him. 

And he was scared. Scared of his feelings for her; feelings that never left but had just been swept into the corner of his head - simply existing. Feelings that would be reignited whenever he saw her smile at his jokes from behind her monitor. Feelings that would reappear whenever he caught her looking at him. Feelings that would make his heartbeat just a little bit faster on the rare moments when she didn’t look away when he catches her. 

And they would just stare at each other like that from across the table until either Captain Holt or Terry came by to get their attention. 

He had felt somewhat guilty for having those feelings while still being in a relationship with Sophia. He liked Sophia but Amy - he hadn’t established what those feelings he had for her yet and he was scared to find out. If someone were to ask him that before he started dating Sophia, he could’ve easily answered it. He liked Amy but now - was it even emotionally possible to like two people at once? 

He arrived at the precinct later that evening and glanced over at Amy who normally would look up at him but was now buried in her paperwork. His heart ached for her, for what he had unknowingly put her through. He couldn’t stop thinking about those times when he teased her about going to the bathroom so much.

_“See, this is why I don’t drink water,” he’d say to her and she would reply to him with a ‘ha-ha’ before leaving to go to the bathroom._

_“I think this place is haunted. Just heard crying in the women’s bathroom,” Hitchcock casually announced to which Rosa would ask through gritted teeth, “Why the hell were you in the women’s bathroom, Hitchcock?”_

_“Hey, maybe it was Santiago. Amy, were you crying on the can? Jake asked Amy who had just returned from the bathroom, walking towards her desk. She looked up at him, blinking, face flushed._

_“Was it because of that hot sauce just now? I told you to lay off the sauce, Santiago.”_

_“Wh-what…?”_

_“Hey, Jake, I wanna go over some stuff with you,” Rosa quickly interjected, bringing his attention to her._

_Amy stood there, numb._

_And that was when she decided that crying was over._

Jake ran his fingers through his hair, finally decided on what he had to do. He turned on his heel and walked into Captain Holt’s office and closing the door behind him.

“Sir, I’d like to request for more case assignments.”

So for a whole month, that was how Jake had avoided her. He missed her but he also wanted to give her her space. 

It was for the best. For both of them.

\-------------------

Things were pretty much back to normal a month later and Amy was back to being herself again around him. There were still those occasional moments when their smiles would linger at each other over some dumb inside joke and Amy pulling herself out quickly from a conversation that included Sophia. But over time, she no longer tried to escape. She would just sit there and let him ramble on about how Sophia lied to him about her favorite pizza topping and worst of all, being okay with banana on pizza.

“Banana. On pizza. BANANA.” 

She would let out a small laugh and say, “You can’t be that invested over a pizza,” to which he immediately responded with a dramatic gasp. 

They were normal again. 

They were _just_ friends.

\---------

“Thank you all for coming and thank you to my best bud, Jake for putting this together…” Charles started choking in tears, “...I don’t deserve you.” He sobbed. 

“Happy Birthday to Charles!” Jake finished the toast, moving to stand next to Boyle, wrapping his right arm over his sobbing friend.

“Happy Birthday!!” 

The whole precinct was at Shaw’s that night for Charles’ surprise birthday party and everybody was having a great time. It was a much needed night out for the squad; it had been a pretty hectic week for them. 

Amy had picked the corner booth to sit at, wanting to avoid the crowd for a bit. She had spent almost 30 minutes sitting by the bar with Captain Holt, listening to him talk about Bach's Oboe Sonata in length. As soon as she saw Terry approaching them, she had pulled him in the conversation, seizing that opportunity to remove herself from it.

She sat at the corner by herself, running a finger along the rim of her glass, observing people, observing Jake. And Sophia, who also happened to be there because she was still with Jake. 

Amy inhaled deeply to calm that ugly emotion that had begun to reappear outside of her control. To be honest, she had given in to her emotions, allowing it to take over her and hurting her from the inside only because she had become an expert at hiding it on the outside.

She was jealous of her. Sophia. 

Jake was always telling her about how they would go walk in the park sometimes for no particular reasons, or go to the movies, or get a NON-BANANA pizza to bring home for their ‘fancy’ dinner, and sending each other cute text messages when they couldn’t have lunch together. 

Her heart ached, listening to him talk about it and she couldn’t help but imagine herself in Sophia’s shoes. How much she would appreciate him for those random romantic gestures because he was impulsive and was always eager to pull a surprise. She would’ve loved cuddling on the sofa with him and watching tv together. And she knew that her every day would be filled with laughter because he would be making dumb jokes that she would’ve loved anyway. 

But she was just a friend and no matter how much it sucked, she had to be okay with it. And she _was_ okay with it. _Maybe._

Amy sunk in her seat and watched them from afar; Jake talking to Sophia excitedly about something and her placing a hand on top of his arm, rubbing circles on it. 

“Why are you staring?” 

Rosa’s voice snapped her back to reality, watching as Rosa joined her at the corner, sitting across from her. 

“I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, right,” she said, bringing the bottle to her lips. 

Amy looked down at her glass now before picking it up, drinking in the content and feeling the burn in her throat. 

“Damn, Santiago. I didn’t know you take rum.” 

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, Diaz.”

For the next hour, Amy and Rosa stayed at the corner just talking about things and she was grateful for her. It helped keep her mind off of the couple who were still animatedly talking to each other over at the bar - well Jake was the more animated one, Sophia was just sitting there nodding at him.

_Psh._

Amy was six drinks in without her even realizing and Rosa had excused herself to grab Marcus who had just arrived. 

Amy sunk back into her seat, staring blankly at the empty seat across from her with a pout. The sudden feeling of sadness was so overwhelming that she felt herself tear up. She felt lonely, lonelier than she had ever been. She turned her head weakly to look at Jake whose back was facing her, a tiny sob escaping her. Her chest felt heavy, like her heart was being squeezed so hard that it could shatter at any moment. 

Another sob came out of her but this time it was louder, surprising even herself. Her hand immediately flew to her mouth to cover it, quickly sliding herself out of her seat so she could leave the place before anybody would notice. 

She pushed the door a little too hard and stumbled outside. She placed her hand against the wall to keep her balance with her other hand on her chest, hoping to steady her breathing. 

And then she threw up. 

Amy leaned her back against the wall now, wiping her mouth with her sleeve and feeling disgusted at herself. She stayed there for what seemed like forever, trying her best to breathe normally. She closed her eyes for a second, hearing the door open and close beside her. 

“You okay?”

Her eyes snapped open and she quickly pushed herself off the wall to look at Sophia who was now standing in front of her with her hands in her coat. 

“Yeah. I’m fine,” she replied.

Amy felt her head spin at the sudden rush of adrenaline, probably from how fast her heart was pounding against her chest after all that vomiting. She wasn’t even sure if it was really Sophia that was standing in front of her - everything felt like a blur. 

Silence fell between them and it felt like an eternity. 

Amy felt her feet move but stopped in her tracks when Sophia broke the silence. 

“Amy. I’ve been meaning to ask…” she trailed.

“Yeah?” Amy replied a little too fast. 

“...do you... still have feelings for Jake?”

Amy was awake now. Not sober, but definitely aware. She blinked, her mind running a mile a minute, searching for an appropriate response to her question.

“You know what? Forget about it, this was dumb.” Sophia said, turning on her heels to walk away. 

“Yes. I do.” 

Now it was Sophia’s turn to stop dead in her tracks. She turned back around to look at Amy who was staring back at her, making sure she heard her right. 

“Oh, wow. Okay.”

Sophia let out an awkward chuckle, “Can’t say I’m surprised.” 

Amy took a deep breath, preparing herself for what she was about to say next. She was back down to five-drink Amy and she figured, why let the confidence go to waste? She had been going around in circles with her emotions for the past few months and feeling sorry for herself. Maybe all she really needed was to tell the truth. 

“Sophia, I don’t want to come in between you two. I know how much he likes you and you, him. But I know it’s been bothering you since that day at the B&B and yes, if I am being completely honest with myself - I still am not over him.”

“I think we’ve established that…” Sophia said quietly, folding her arms over her chest. 

“But what I’m saying is that - it doesn’t matter what I feel. Jake likes you. He talks about you a lot. You two are perfect for each other and you really have nothing to worry about. Jake will never like me like that. We’re just colleagues and he did say to me that whatever’s happened between us is now in the past and he’s keeping it that way.”

And there was that uncomfortable silence again, Sophia just staring at her, quietly. 

“But he did like you like that… and I still think he does.”

And there it was, the numbness again. Amy felt as if her whole body had shut down and all she could do was stare back at Sophia, lips parted, at loss for words. _Jake, still has feelings for her?_

“Look, Amy. I don’t want to be that bitch who tells you to stay away from my boyfriend. We’re not in high school…”

Amy could only watch her speak, finding herself physically unable to form words. 

“This is ultimately Jake’s decision to make. If he wanted to get over you, he would’ve done so but he clearly hasn’t. I see the way he looks at you…”

Sophia shifted her feet, a small laugh escaped her lips. “I guess what I’m saying is - I’ll still be around him, at least until he doesn’t want me to. I am upset, also a little bit angry, if I’m being honest,” she confessed, calmly but Amy could feel her emotions. She _was_ upset and Amy felt guilty, she wanted to melt into the ground if she could.

“Don’t feel bad, Amy. It’s not you that I’m angry at,” she said as if reading her mind. 

She heard the door open and close again, a familiar figure walking out from it but Amy couldn't bring herself to look. She was paralyzed where she stood.

“Sophia, I was looking all over for yo- what are you guys doing out here?”

Amy was still staring at Sophia who had now turned to look at Jake. Amy needed to remove herself from this situation but she couldn’t seem to bring her body to cooperate with her. She exhaled, clenching her fists and forcing her legs to move and when they finally did, she was out of there. 

Desperate to leave there as fast as possible, she figured she would only call for an Uber once she was sure Sophia and Jake were nowhere near her. And so she walked, fast, and before she knew it she had already walked five blocks away from Shaw’s. She stopped to take a break, her ears perked up when she heard footsteps coming towards her. She turned her body to face whatever it was, prepared to defend herself only to see that it was Jake running towards her. 

_No, no, no_ , she muttered under her breath, turning away to start walking again. 

“Amy, wait up!” he called after her but she kept walking, taking long strides even though she knew full well he could catch up to her in no time. Then she felt his hand on her arm and on instinct she quickly pulled away. 

“Stop following me, Jake!” she cried out, concentrating on her steps because she was after all still a bit tipsy. Jake ran past her and finally stopped in front of her. “Jake, please.” 

“No, Amy. Please.”

She looked up at him with glassy eyes, frowning. “Why are you here?” she asked.

“You’re drunk. And you just straight up yarfed in front of Shaw's. I had to make sure you’d get home safe. You didn’t even call an Uber. What, were you going to walk all 30 blocks home?” 

“I was about to call an Uber. I just wanted to walk it off a bit.”

Jake laughed. “Along these barely lit streets, alone, in Brooklyn? Come on, Amy.”

“I’m a cop, I can handle myself.” 

He sighed then. Of course, she can, but he was still worried about her. “Please, let me call you an Uber and then I’ll leave you alone, promise.”

“Fine.”

Jake stood beside her, waiting for her Uber that was 5 minutes away. He watched as Amy hugged herself with her coat, shivering slightly - it was a chilly night. Without hesitation, he removed his own coat despite being cold himself, to drape it over her, “Just until your Uber gets here,” he said before she could protest.

“Why aren’t you with Sophia?” she asked, trying not to focus on the way her heart skipped a beat when he had given her his coat. 

“Well, unlike you, she called her Uber in front of Shaw’s instead of walking 5 blocks first.” 

She smiled at that, looking at him to see him smile back at her. And they stayed like that, just staring at each other in comfortable silence until her Uber pulled up beside them. Amy removed his coat from around her and handed it back to him, thanking him with a small smile. 

“Goodnight, Peralta.”

“Night, Santiago.” 


	2. "timing is a bitch"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy could feel her heart fall out of her chest. This was too much, she thought to herself. The tension between them was palpable and she wondered if he was feeling it too because for some reason he was breathing a little bit too hard. The fact that she could feel his chest heaving against her body was not making any of this easier either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost 3 am and I have no idea why I'm always so active around this time. But anyway, enjoy. This is still for you, Issraa and I hope you'll get to finish your fanfic soon so I can finally read something else other than mine lmfao. 
> 
> Also, I've decided that this is going to be much longer. Two chapters are not enough. Thank you for reading <33 (and no Yashi, there's not gonna be any 8-some in here you weirdo)

_ But he did like you like that… and I still think he does.” _

Sophia’s words stayed with her for weeks, playing in her head like a broken record. 

All her effort and pure struggle to try and get over her feelings for Jake had now gone to shit. She was now back to where she was; pining over her partner who was happily in a relationship with another woman. 

Amy was back in the vicious cycle of unwanted emotions with most days ending with her staring blankly into space, reminding herself that Jake was just a friend. A colleague. And that he didn’t really like her  _ like that  _ and Sophia had probably just misread his emotions. 

She couldn’t get that night out of her head. 

A lot happened that night and her only regret was not getting herself inebriated enough to forget about it. She woke up the next morning with a clear memory of what had transpired the night before followed by that twinge of pain in her chest. The words that were said and the shock that followed and most of all, how it ended with that brief moment she had shared with Jake. 

She remembered looking into his soft eyes, and the smile playing on his lips and how desperately she wanted him to pull her close to him - to do something, anything just so she wouldn’t feel so shitty and lonely anymore. She wanted him to be hers. But she knew she was asking too much. She had her chance and she blew it and if she was given the chance to turn back time, she would do it in a heartbeat. 

Her denial was the culprit. 

She was in denial throughout her whole relationship with Teddy. She knew even before Teddy came back into her life that she had feelings for Jake. But she had shut those emotions, believing they weren’t real and that Teddy was the right one for her simply on the basis that they had so much in common. 

Her regret was not realizing that her relationship with Teddy just wouldn’t work because it didn’t before and it sure as hell wouldn’t now. 

And her biggest regret - was not even giving Jake a chance. 

Now she felt like an outsider looking in, watching how happy he was with Sophia and how that could’ve been her if she had only said something the first time he had told her he liked her. 

\----------

It had been a while since she last had an assignment with Jake and she only had herself to blame. She was the one turning down assignments whenever she found out that Jake was the primary for the case with excuses like having too much paperwork and dealing with other ongoing cases. Strangely enough, Jake didn’t make a big deal out of Amy refusing to be case-partners either because he normally would, teasing her that her reason was probably because she couldn’t stand being outshined by him, the _ obviously better Detective _ .

Amy had finally found the strength to act normal around him again and she had simply accepted the fact that her feelings for him wouldn’t disappear anytime soon. She was just going to stop feeling sorry for herself and just stand tall like a Santiago would. 

The sound of Jake’s ringtone broke the silence between them in the car and Amy had pulled her eyes away from the binoculars to look at him, struggling to pull his phone out of his jeans. 

“Hey, girlfriennnd.” He answered the phone.

Shifting in her seat, Amy slowly looked into the binoculars again, swallowing the lump in her throat and trying her best to ignore that unpleasant feeling in her chest. 

“I’m on a stakeout, just staking out. Which reminds me, I can’t wait to stake-you-out tonight.”

Amy groaned at that. He was so lame. 

“Amy’s here with me,” he said, turning to look at her, “Hey Amy, Sophia says hi.”

“Hi, Sophia,” she replied meekly, still looking through the binoculars. 

Amy stayed that way the whole time Jake was on the phone, frozen in her position that her shoulders began to hurt but still refusing to look away. When he finally hung up the phone, she couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t end it with an “I love you.” She had always wondered if he had already said those words to her before. Knowing that he probably hasn’t said it to her had given her sort of a sense of relief. God, she hated herself. She hated herself for sounding so selfish even if it was in her own head. 

“Hey, there’s Denman,” Amy said, pulling herself out of her own thoughts and zooming in on the perp. 

“Alright, Santiago. Time for action.”

They both exited the car and walked towards the rundown apartment building. Amy leaned against the wall and pulled the gun out of her holster, Jake doing the same. He entered the building and started walking up the dark staircase, Amy close behind him. They both reached the third floor, only to be greeted with a much darker hallway. Jake held his gun in front of him, checking both corners before signaling Amy to proceed forward. 

The rooms were dark, doors absent from each one of them except for at least three. The only light source was the streetlight streaming in through the windows but it was still pretty dark. Thankfully, they were trained to this level of darkness and were still able to navigate their way through it without night vision goggles. 

Amy walked ahead of Jake and began looking into each room, searching for the perp. Stopping in front of one of the rooms, she pushed the old door slightly open to peek inside and entered it once she confirmed that the coast was clear. There was an old mattress on the floor with syringes strewn about on the surface, which she immediately identified as drugs. 

“Diaz, are you close?” Amy asked quietly, pressing her finger against her earpiece.

“Yeah, back-up will be there in 2,” she heard her answer. 

Amy started walking towards the doorway to start looking at other areas when Jake suddenly entered the room, grabbing her by the arm and pushed her up against the wall behind the door. It happened so fast that it made her head spin. She blinked, confused, her breath caught in her throat as she slowly raised her head to look at him.

Jake was towering over her, his hands still keeping their tight grip around her arms but he wasn’t looking at her; his eyes were focused on the small slit between the door and its frame. 

Amy, on the other hand, was staring at him, wide-eyed.

He had never been this up close to her before, never like this. She could smell the intoxicating scent of his cologne on his shirt and feel the warmth radiating from his body, trapping the heat in the small gap between them. Her eyes moved to his lips, staring as he subconsciously swiped his tongue over his lower lip.

A dangerous criminal was on the loose in the building and all her brain could think about was how easy it would be to reach his lips if she leaned in just a bit closer -

“Denman’s definitely not alone. I heard two other voices,” he said, eyes still on the door as if refusing to look at her. 

Amy stood there, paralyzed, her arms on her sides, not trusting herself to move - at least not with him still being that close to her. Shifting her feet, Amy inched herself backward as further as she physically could from him - wishing she could melt into the wall behind her. 

She needed to slip out of this position now before her brain could convince her into doing something she might regret - like pressing her lips against his. 

Jake finally broke his gaze from the door and looked at her who was staring back at him with her big brown eyes and parted lips. 

She internally cursed. He was much too close now and she was afraid that he could hear just how loud her heart was pounding against her chest. The hair at the back of her neck stood when she felt his breath against her skin. Every single nerve in her body was screaming at her, desperate to feel more, more of him, everywhere on her. 

It certainly didn’t help that his eyes lingered on her either. She watched as his gaze lowered, and she immediately pressed her lips together, feeling anxious and nervous as she held in her breath. 

“Leo! Get this fucking thing out of here already.”

The sound of Denman’s voice startled them both. Jake had instinctively pressed his body against hers, closing the gap completely between them in an attempt to hide them both further in the dark. And now they stood there in that narrow space behind the door and to make matters worse, thoughts, sinful thoughts were now racing through her head and they were loud.

Amy could feel her heart fall out of her chest. This was _ too _ much, she thought to herself. The tension between them was palpable and she wondered if he was feeling it too because for some reason he was breathing a little bit too hard. The fact that she could feel his chest heaving against her body was not making any of this easier either.

_ He’s probably just anxious about getting found _ , her inner voice tried to convince herself. 

Jake ran his tongue over his lower lip, feeling dry all of a sudden. It felt hot and he could hear his blood rush in his ears. He caught a whiff of the soft lavender scent of her hair and felt himself leaning in closer but quickly snapped himself out of it when Amy started moving against him. He leaned back, clenching his jaw and swallowed the lump in his throat. 

Even the way his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat was doing _ things _ to her. 

“We’re here,” Rosa’s voice over their earpieces brought their attention back on the situation at hand, instantly breaking the heavy tension between them.

Jake finally stepped away from her and quietly moved to look out the door. Amy found herself breathing again; feeling slightly lightheaded for holding in her breath too long. 

“They’re making a move.” Jake peeked out the doorway, observing the movement outside. 

“Diaz, in position, over” Amy informed quietly.

They stayed hidden by crouching down at a dark corner as they watched Denman and three other men walk past the room they were in and then down the same staircase. 

Jake and Amy followed them stealthily from behind. 

Denman pushed open the door at the end of the staircase only to be greeted by the squad.

“NYPD, you’re under arrest. Drop your weapons!” 

\--------------------

“Shaw’s after this?” Rosa asked.

“Not tonight, I gotta meet up with Soph-” Jake trailed off mid-sentence when Amy walked up to them. 

Rosa raised an eyebrow, sensing the sudden tension in the air.

Amy reached over between Jake and Rosa to place her vest on the table and then turned to look at Rosa. “I have something going on tonight - at home. So, uh, see you guys tomorrow.” 

Clutching her bag against her side, Amy turned to leave, avoiding eye contact with Jake. She wasn’t sure she could look at him in the eyes after whatever it was that happened between them - which was literally nothing but had affected her greatly anyway. 

Once Amy was out of the room, Rosa looked over at Jake who was staring blankly at the doorway. “Did something happen with you two?” She had to ask, the awkward tension between Jake and Amy was deafening and she hated being caught in the middle of it. 

“What-oh, nothing.”

“Jake.”

“Nothing happened… we had this moment just now and we- you know what. No. Nothing happened.”

Rosa folded her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow at him knowing full well that something did happen and it had affected him as much as it did to Amy. 

\----------------

Amy had woken up the next morning all drenched in sweat, her hair sticking to her face.

She had a dream. And Jake was in it. He wasn’t just in it, he was literally the only person there. 

Normally, her dreams would just be a fleeting thought that would disappear minutes after she wakes up. But for some reason, this dream stayed with her. Probably because it was so vivid. She hated how real it felt and how physically affected she was by it. 

She covered her face with her hands, muffling her groan. 

The next few days at the precinct continued to be a nightmare for her. 

\----------------

Amy had gotten through another whole week with her emotional roller-coaster. 

It was the little things that triggered the emotions. 

The way her heart would clench as she watched Jake talking and laughing with Sophia over the phone. 

The way she would feel the fluttering in her stomach when he returns from lunch sometimes, placing her favorite sandwich on her desk simply because he had ‘walked by’ the deli and remembered that she hadn’t had lunch.

The way her skin would feel like it was on fire whenever he accidentally brushed his hand against hers as they both tried to reach for the coffee pot at the same time. 

To be honest, Amy was impressed at herself for surviving that long, of being in the same room with him every single day and pretending that she had zero feelings for him. She had been doing it for months after all - and practice does make perfect. 

\-------------

It was going to be Officer Lopez’s wedding next week and the whole precinct was invited. The invitation was unexpected mainly because he belonged on the night shift and they were barely acquaintances with him. Amy vaguely remembered nodding her head hi to him several times over the years and that was about the only interaction she had with him.

“I don’t even know his first name,” Jake admitted in a hushed tone with the squad in the break room. 

“I think it’s Jason or something,” said Rosa.

“No, I think it’s Chris,” said Boyle.

“It’s Aaron.” Amy corrected, tossing the invitation card on the pool table and the squad erupted into a simultaneous oohs and aahs.

“So... will you be bringing Mar-cus?” Boyle asked Rosa, wiggling his eyebrows at her only to have her glare back at him. “No.”

“Come on, Rosa. Jake’s bringing Sophia.”

Amy felt her body tense at the mention of Sophia, turning away from Boyle only to meet Jake’s gaze who was looking at her with wide eyes. She quickly broke eye contact and looked down at her wrist, idly playing with the cuff of her blazer.

She heard him clear his throat as he pushed himself off the pool table. 

“Who are you bringing, Charles?” Jake asked, shifting the attention to Boyle. 

“No one. I’m just going to meet someone there and who knows, maybe we’d fall in love at first sight. Weddings are beautiful, that’s why it’s easy to hook-up with someone at a wedding. I hooked up with someone at a wedding once.”

“Was it a prostitute?” Everyone turned to look at Hitchcock who had just chimed in uninvited, shooting him a disgusted look.

\---------------

The wedding reception was at a garden behind the mansion and apparently it belonged to Lopez’s wife. They had learned that Mrs. Lopez was in fact an heir to a successful businessman and was incredibly wealthy. When they shook hands with Aaron at the church, he had leaned in to whisper, thanking them for coming because he never really had any friends but had told his wife and family that he was popular at the precinct. 

Amy ran her hands down her side, smoothing her dress before walking out to the garden with Rosa beside her. Since Rosa refused to invite Marcus, she was now Amy’s plus one and to be honest, she was glad she was. At least now she wouldn’t feel so lonely because Boyle really did end up falling in love with someone at the first sight and it was the wedding caterer. And Jake - well, Jake was with Sophia. 

“It’s beautiful,” said Amy, taking in the view before her. The reception was beautifully decorated; white wooden chairs and tables arranged neatly across the garden, pink peonies and roses in vases placed perfectly at the center of each table accompanied by candles in jars. White and soft pink curtains were draped over the tent and adorned with strings of fairy lights and hanging light bulbs.

Amy had always wanted an outdoor wedding but the thought of that seemed a little too far fetched at this point. She wondered if she would ever get the chance to walk down the aisle and to do that, she needed someone who’d be willing to spend the rest of their lives with her. However, the first step towards that was to get over her feelings for Jake and move on and even that seemed impossible at the moment. Especially not when the mere sight of Jake arriving at the garden had awakened that familiar fluttering feeling in her stomach.

When she first saw him arrive at the church, her heart had skipped a beat. He wore a navy blue suit with a matching colored tie and a white shirt underneath. She had seen him in suits before but something about the way he looked now felt different. Maybe because she has feelings for him.

Maybe because Sophia had helped him dress up nicely.

“Let’s go find our table,” said Rosa, breaking her out of her reverie. “Right, okay,” she replied, walking towards the tent. 

\---------------

Amy leaned slightly against her chair, bringing the glass of champagne to her lips, her eyes glancing over at the table where Jake and Sophia were at. Sophia was on the phone, her left palm covering her ear in an attempt to block out the noise around her. Jake had just taken a sip of his champagne when he noticed Amy looking at him from across the room. 

He smiled.

She smiled back. 

The clinking sound of champagne glass brought their attention to the stage where the Best Man was now standing on with a microphone in his hand. 

“I’m Brian - the Best Man. Not just today, I am _the_ best man, always.” The crowd erupted into laughter and boo’s, mainly from the table of groomsmen. 

His toast was long but entertaining, filled with fun anecdotes about them growing up together and chasing girls and how Aaron was an introvert who really only had five friends. 

“Timing was a bitch for these two,” he said, pausing to look at the bride and groom. “...and for a moment there, I really thought Aaron would have just given up and moved on to someone else. But the son of a bitch waited, a year, and then two, and then three… and finally, time was on their side again.”

The bride wrapped her hand around the groom’s, looking at him with a soft smile.

“I’ve never been a believer of fate and destiny but witnessing these two finally coming together, after years of bad timings, missed chances and ex-partners; it’s safe to say that I’m now a believer.” 

Amy shifted in her seat, trying to ignore the sudden feeling of heaviness in her chest and the way the heat was rising to her cheeks. She could feel her throat tightening as she fought back the tears that she knew would come the moment she let go. 

The speech was hitting too close to home and she wanted to leave. 

That was when her gaze met his. He wasn’t smiling but his eyes were soft, staring at her and she just couldn’t look away. 

“I hope you two continue to look at each other the way that you did three years ago and today and the days after this… with all that you’ve gone through, you both deserve to be here, with each other. I wish you two a lifetime of happiness and love and thank you for allowing me, and us, to be a part of your journey. To Aaron and Sarah, salud!”

The crowd raised their glass to the bride and groom.

Amy had excused herself from her table, informing Rosa that she was going to ‘get some air,’ which led to Rosa asking if she was okay and Amy convincing her that she was. She walked back into the mansion but stopped to ask one of the ushers where the bathroom was. 

“Amy?” 

She turned around to look at who was calling her, the voice sounded all too familiar.

“Teddy?”

“Oh, wow. It is you.”

“Hi-” she greeted weakly, surprised. He was the last person she had expected to see there but quickly remembered that Aaron had probably invited people from other precincts as well.

“It’s so nice to see you,” he said, a big grin on his face as he moved towards her with his arms open. Amy reluctantly accepted his hug, only for him to embrace her a little too long than she’d liked. Feeling uncomfortable, Amy’s body stiffened in his arms but not wanting to be rude to push him away either. Teddy eventually let her go but his hands were now wrapped around her arms. 

Amy desperately wanted to remove herself from the interaction but she was suddenly frozen where she stood when she saw Jake standing by the doorway, looking at them.

Timing really is a bitch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. I love cliffhangers ok XD Leave comments and kudos. They're important bcus I literally can't continue the story without them. Love you all, thanks for reading. I'm going to sleep now <3


	3. "head full of thoughts"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You could’ve called me, you know. You could’ve called instead of barging in on my date like that.” 
> 
> Fair point. She was right, he could have called but he didn’t and he was pretty sure he had done it on purpose. He wanted to see what Adam looked like only because he wanted to make sure that he was real and that she was dating someone. Although, he really should not have cared this much and let her date whoever she wanted. He really needed to start breaking the habit of intervening on her dates. Apparently, he had done this more than once and he was only realizing it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the first time ever, I am not posting this at 3 am. Also because this chapter had been sitting around for a few days already and just needed a few touch-ups. And before you get your hopes up, this is NOT the final chapter yet. It could end on chapter 4 or 5, I just haven't decided yet, really depends on how much longer I wanna torture you guys lmfao XD Also here's a special shoutout to my main bitches Issraa and Yashi for being my ace support system. And also the biggest fan of this fic, Sanja <33 Enjoy bitches.

At that very moment, it felt as if the time had stopped. 

Amy’s eyes darted over to look at Jake whose expression quickly changed when Teddy turned around to look at him. 

The crease deepened between his eyebrows as he visibly clenched his jaw but remained unmoving by the doorway. 

“Oh, Peralta,” said Teddy, shooting him an annoyed expression before turning his attention on Amy again. “Are you two together?” he asked. 

Amy opened her mouth but nothing came out, her eyes moving back and forth from Jake and Teddy and if they looked hard enough, they would even notice how pale she’d gotten. From the corner of her eye, she could see Jake starting to walk towards them, causing her heart to pound faster in her chest as he got closer. 

“So, you’re here too,” said Jake matter-of-factly at Teddy. Amy watched them as they looked at each other with equally unemotional expressions on their faces. She couldn’t tell what it was but the tension was weird and a lot different between them. Annoyance? Anger? 

When Jake suddenly turned to look at her, she had instinctively taken a step back even knowing that the one-inch distance wouldn’t have made much a difference anyway and that he still could see her. It was too late to remove herself from the situation without arousing suspicion.

“I didn’t know you came with Teddy,” said Jake, letting out an awkward laugh before quickly reverting to his previous blank expression.

“Wait, you didn’t come with Peralta?” Teddy asked now, pointing at Jake, a grin slowly appearing on his face. “Oh, good. So, Amy, do you wanna get a drink? Their open bar has pilsners. Oh, wait no, no more pilsners. I can have something else. Whiskey. Do they have that?”

Amy desperately wanted Teddy to shut up and before she could even stop herself, her mouth had already opened to say something. 

“No, Teddy. I’m dating someone else now.”

Silence. 

Pure awkward silence with both Jake and Teddy’s eyes on her.

“You are?” 

Amy was surprised that the first one to ask was Jake and not Teddy. Teddy was just standing there with an expression of disbelief and heartbreak. She needed to leave and she needed to leave now. 

“Yeah, it just happened. I haven’t told anyone yet…” she answered, lying through her teeth, astounding even herself at how natural she sounded that she almost believed it herself. Amy looked at Jake now who was staring at her with an expression that she’d never seen him make before. 

“Oh,” he replied. 

Amy watched as Jake averted his gaze to look at his feet and then slowly looked back up at her with a small but somewhat sad smile on his face. She really wished she could read minds because she could not for the life of her, figure out what Jake was feeling. 

“Jake?”

The sound of Sophia’s voice broke the silence and for once, she was grateful for it. Sophia approached them, reaching out to grab Jake by the arm to get his attention. 

“Excuse me,” Amy quickly said, before turning away to find the bathroom. 

\--------------

Amy was sitting in the cubicle now and everything felt all too familiar. Once again, she was in the bathroom wallowing in self-pity and wishing she could just disappear. Everything that had happened was now replaying in her head like an unwanted recap. She stared into the ceiling, holding the incoming tears back because the last thing she wanted was her mascara running down her face. 

She covered her mouth with her hand, trying to muffle the sobs and sniffles that were coming out of her beyond her control. 

_ Bad timings, missed chances and ex-partners. _

The speech almost felt like it was written on purpose for her.  _ Fuck you, Brian,  _ she cursed. 

Amy felt like she had made the situation even worse by lying and telling them that she was dating someone else. Well, there were pros and cons to it. 

Good for Teddy because she really wanted him gone. 

But Jake. The last thing she wanted was to have Jake thinking that she was with someone else.  _ But why? Why does it matter? _ She thought to herself. He was with someone else. She too can be with someone else. Right? 

As if on cue, the voice at the back of her head had come forward to hurt her with the truth.

_ Because you’re still hoping for him to end up with you and you can’t have that if he thinks you’re with someone else.  _

The truth hit her like a brick and she’d finally lost control over her emotions. Amy blinked and allowed the tears to run down her face, clenching her fist as she felt a drop fall onto her hand. 

It was true when they say that heartbreak is losing composure once you’re alone behind closed doors. 

And here she was, alone and broken, tears falling outside of her control. Her hand over her mouth wasn’t doing a great job at muffling her cries and she was pretty sure if someone was standing outside her bathroom door, they’d be able to clearly tell that she was crying.

The sound of heels clacking on the tiles immediately stopped her from crying and she was suddenly holding her breath. She followed the noise and heard at least two people walking around outside and using the sink. 

She continued to sit in the cubicle for two more minutes, relieved when she heard the people outside finally leaving the bathroom. 

Amy straightened herself and wiped her face with tissues before tossing them in the trash. She walked out of the cubicle, shoulders straight and head up high; almost as if she hadn’t been crying her heart out just five minutes before. Amy stopped by the sink and looked at herself in the mirror and sighed in relief, remembering that she had been wearing her waterproof mascara the whole time. When she leaned forward to touch up her lipstick instead, her eyes met Sophia’s gaze in the mirror. She was standing beside her, looking into the mirror to fix her own makeup, not talking but apparently aware that Amy was there. 

Amy quickly averted her gaze and focused on applying her lipstick. Things were pretty awkward between her and Sophia since that night outside of Shaw’s. Sure she’d seen her from time to time when she came to visit Jake at the precinct but she had never really spoken to her aside from the occasional hi and bye. She really didn’t know how to act normally around her again, especially not after confessing that she still had feelings for her boyfriend right to her face.

“Did you come here with Teddy?” Sophia asked and Amy had expected it. 

“Teddy? Oh, no.” She answered, laughing awkwardly. “That’s... never gonna happen. Never again.”

Amy looked at Sophia through the mirror while clumsily trying to put her lipstick back into her clutch.

“I’m actually dating someone else now,” Amy found herself saying and immediately regretted it. Her mouth was running out of her control again and all she wanted to do was her slap herself before she could say anything else. 

Why did she tell Sophia that? Was it a sad attempt to convince her that, _ ‘Hey I’m over your boyfriend so I’m with someone else now so don’t worry about it anymore?’  _

_ Just stop talking now _ , she scolded herself.

“Really?” Sophia looked genuinely surprised. “That’s great.”

Amy watched as Sophia leaned towards the sink and turned on the tap to wash her hands. She flicked her fingers to dry them before moving to the paper towel dispenser. 

“I’ll see around,” she said before walking out the door. 

Amy exhaled in relief, leaning into the sink with her hands on the counter. Her eyes snapped open to look at herself in the mirror. _ Did she hear me cry? _

  
  


\-----------------------

“You’re dressed all nice. Where are you going?” Rosa asked, towering over Amy who was still seated in her chair and fixing her hair.

“On a date,” she answered, running a nail along the edge of her lower lip to fix her lip liner. 

“Nice,” said Rosa as she sat down in the chair beside her desk. “So, you’re finally over him?” She asked quietly, leaning in towards Amy so she could hear her. She turned to look at Rosa and shrugged. 

“I guess.”

To that, Rosa leaned back into the chair and folded her arms, shooting her a pointed look. Rosa could not for the life of her understand why she cared about these two idiots and their feelings for each other. This also felt a little like dejavu because no longer than a year ago, it was Jake who was telling her that he wasn’t over Amy after letting her win the Jimmy Jabs game. 

Rosa had unknowingly become the middle person in all of this and if it was up to her, she would lock them both in a room and force them to resolve their feelings and problems once and for all. 

The elevator doors dinged and opened, revealing Jake and Boyle in another one of their outrageous undercover getups and this time it was Hippie themed with tie-dyed shirts and dreadlock wigs that Boyle was uncomfortably trying to push out of his face.

“You guys look stupid.”

“Well, Rosa - these ‘stupid’ look helped us get a lead so-” Jake said proudly with a huge grin on his face as he pulled off his wig. Jake’s grin quickly disappeared when his eyes landed on Amy who had just stood up from her chair and putting on her coat. 

“Ooh, Amy’s got a hot date tonight,” said Boyle.

Jake stared at her blankly and when Amy finally met his eyes, he smiled. 

“Is it that guy you were talking about?” He asked. 

“Yeah,” she answered. _ Not really. _ But well she had come this far with the lie so might as well go along with it. She had only gone on a sort of a date with him once before after Kylie introduced him to her just a week after the lie she told at the wedding. So, yeah, he wasn’t _ the _ guy. But he was now. 

“Oh. Cool cool cool cool. Have fun, on your date.”

Amy smiled back, nodding curtly at him and started walking away when Jake called for her, making her turn back to look at him.

“You look nice.”

And for a second, Amy just looked at him, expressionless. Now everyone was looking at them. From the corner of her eye, she could see Rosa rolling her eyes and throwing her hands in the air before turning away to leave - clearly frustrated at the both of them for this roller coaster ride of emotions. 

“Thanks,” she finally said and quickly turned to leave, feeling her heart pounding her chest reigniting that familiar feeling that she so desperately wanted to get rid of. 

  
  


\------------------

Her date was decent, to say the least. 

Sure he was good looking and a gentleman but that niggling voice at the back of her head was constantly trying to find something that was wrong about him.

_ He’s too serious. _

_ He’s too proper. _

_ He’s a bit of a show-off.  _

When Amy had audibly groaned to quiet the voice in her head, he had asked her if it was because of him. She quickly apologized and convinced him that it wasn’t and that she was just reminded of something that she had to do at work.

“Do you need to go home early?” He asked. 

Amy contemplated for a minute, thinking if she should really end the date this soon. She clearly wasn’t giving him a chance and as she felt guilty about it. He had been nothing but attentive and nice to her ever since their first  _ sort of _ date. Amy, on the other hand, was barely present because her mind was elsewhere for the majority of both those dates. She needed to try better.

She smiled at him and reached over to hold his hand. 

“Maybe in ten more minutes,” she said watching him smile back at her as he clasped her hand in his. 

_ His hand doesn’t feel like Jake’s.  _

  
  


\------------------

“Adam, I’m telling you, it’s a really good documentary,” Amy said excitedly as she walked alongside him. 

“Okay, I believe you,” he said, chuckling. “Maybe we can watch it together next time…”

Amy felt her body stiffen at the thought. Was she finally ready to allow another man into her life? Was it even possible to do so when her feelings were still so clearly for someone else? Would it be unfair to Adam to go on with their relationship that way? 

So many thoughts were racing through her head that she wasn’t even aware that she had stopped walking. Adam who suddenly realized she was no longer beside him had turned around to find her standing still on a spot a few meters behind him. 

“Amy?”

She was staring right through him, the voices in her head were suddenly quiet. Blinking, she finally broke out of her reverie and noticed Adam’s hand on her arm.

“Are you okay?” He asked, a genuinely worried expression on his face. 

“I’m fine…” she said quietly. “You’re right. We should watch it together soon.”

A smile was slowly forming on her face as she felt herself getting comfortable at the idea of watching tv with him at her place. Or at least, that was what she wanted to believe. 

And so for the rest of the walk, they talked about more documentaries and books and how dull the city life was for actual new yorkers. It was pleasant and she was glad the voices in her head were finally gone so she could genuinely enjoy the rest of the date without their input.

She almost didn’t realize when they arrived at her place. 

“Here’s me,” she announced, gesturing a hand over at her house.

“So, I guess this is goodnight then.”

“I’ll see you again,” she said with a smile, acknowledging the prospect of them continuing to see each other after tonight. She wasn’t even entirely sure about it but she needed this. 

She shifted her feet awkwardly, clenching her fists in her coat pockets when she felt the cool breeze brush against her skin. He was watching her with a smile and her eyes widened when he took a step closer towards her. 

Before he could do anything, Amy had leaned in to kiss him on the cheek and pulled away quickly before he could react.

“I’ll text you,” she said hurriedly as she began walking up the stairs. Once she reached her door, she turned around one last time to wave at him, to which he responded with a nod and smile before walking away. 

Amy entered her house and closed the door behind her, leaning her back against it. She released a heavy sigh and welcomed the voices that were beginning to return inside her head and they were loud and clear.

_ He’s not Jake. _

\------------------

Despite the clear protest of the voices in her head, Amy had continued to see Adam. They had gone on two more dates and both had been fairly pleasant. Both had also ended with her kissing him on the cheek and waving him goodbye, leaving him cold outside her doorstep.

To be honest, she wasn’t ready to invite him into her house. She had skillfully evaded the topic whenever he would bring it up unintentionally like watching the documentary together and him offering to cook her his favorite dish. Amy was amazed at the fact that he still agreed to continue seeing her. Any hot-blooded men would have moved on to someone else by now. She immediately scolded herself for stereotyping men because honestly, she was just angry at herself

It was impossible to get over her feelings for someone that she had to see every day. She had naively thought that going out with Adam would finally help her move on. She could not have been more wrong in her entire life.

Jake had been around her a lot lately because of a case that they were assigned together. Amy felt even closer to him now, as a friend, obviously. They would sit for hours in the car on stakeouts, talking about anything and everything. Sometimes, they would both erupt in laughter over some stupid joke. And sometimes, they would sit in comfortable silence after an unintentional heart-to-heart talk, mostly about his dad. 

“I’m sorry, Jake,” she would say. She desperately wanted to reach over and embrace him but that would be a bad idea, especially when she so clearly still has feelings for him. 

“Nah, it’s cool. That’s just how it is,” he said, leaning into his seat. 

And then they just sat there in comfortable silence.

That was what was missing with Adam. Comfort. 

Whenever she and Adam had nothing left to say, they would let the awkward silence swallow them whole. It felt weird and she just could not put her finger on it before but now she knew. 

She could only feel that way with Jake. 

Jake, whose head was still on the headrest had turned slowly to look at her. She felt the heat rise in her cheeks - she didn’t have to look at him to know that he was staring at her. She slowly moved her eyes to meet his gaze only for him to look away immediately. 

“It’s 10pm. Time to go,” he said, turning on the ignition. 

Amy inhaled deeply and released a quiet sigh. One thing was for sure, she was clearly not over him. Not even a little bit.

\------------------

After that night, Amy had decided that if she wanted to move on, she needed to take Adam a little seriously. And so she texted him and asked if he wanted to go for dinner again to which he replied yes just two minutes later.

She opted for a much daring dress this time. 

It was a black, tight-fitted dress that ended just right below her knee, with a slit at the side. The v-neck was much lower than she was used to, showing just a little bit of cleavage but still appropriate. She had asked Kylie if she looked like she was trying too hard to which she replied, “You look like you’re ready to sleep with him. Are you?”

Amy looked at Kylie with her mouth hanging open in disbelief. Although, she had to agree that it was a valid question and now she found herself asking the same thing.

Was she?

\------------------ 

The rest of the date went great; admittedly much better than the last four. 

They even shared dessert together and she had even accepted it when he fed her the last bit of tiramisu with his spoon. 

They laughed, they smiled and they had a great time. But she also spoke too soon. 

Her eyes widened when she saw Jake walking past outside the glass window of the restaurant. She watched him as he looked up at the restaurant’s signage and started walking towards the door. 

_ What the hell is he doing here? _ She thought to herself, her mind racing with thoughts and she could feel herself slowly slipping out of her previous calm, relaxed state. She was now anxious and before she knew it, Jake was there standing by the door, craning his neck to look over the crowd. His eyes landed on hers and she sunk in her seat. 

“What is it?” asked Adam, looking over his shoulder to find what it was that had caught her attention. Jake was now walking towards their table and her heart had started pounding against her chest the way it usually would at the sight of him. 

“Amy,” called Jake as he was nearing their table. Adam looked up at him and then back at Amy, waiting for an introduction. But Amy just sat there, looking straight at him as if ignoring Jake’s clear presence beside them. Jake’s attention was immediately on her date anyway, who was staring at him with a puzzled expression. 

“Oh, hi, I’m Jake. You must be Adam,” Jake introduced himself, extending a hand to Adam.

Adam took his hand and shook it. “Yeah... nice to meet you.”

“I heard you’re an accountant,” said Jake, forgetting why he was there in the place. He hadn’t really gone through the thought process of finally meeting Amy’s could-be boyfriend. 

“Yes, I am,” Adam replied with a nod, turning his body completely to look up at Jake. 

Jake nodded, placing his hands on his hips. “Cool. Numbers. And ledgers.  _ And _ money? Cool, no doubt, no doubt. That’s...cool.”

Jake finally turned to look at Amy only to find her shooting him a glare. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked in a hushed but angry tone. 

Oh, right. He was here for something.

“Oh yeah. I’m sorry to barge in on your date like this but I just got a call and we got a huge lead on our case. But he’s leaving tonight so we gotta go see him before that happens,” he explained.

Amy stood up from her seat too fast, making her head spin. 

“Adam, I’m sorry but-”

“That’s fine. That sounds important,” he said before she could finish. 

Amy smiled at him, feeling guilty but also grateful at him for being so understanding.

“But hey, if you still want to continue later, just text me. We can grab a coffee or something,” he said. Jake took a few steps back from their table, feeling as if he was listening in on a private conversation. 

He watched as Amy reached over to hug Adam and for some reason, that made him feel  _ things.  _ He wasn’t sure what it was but he quickly looked away, feeling uneasy. He couldn’t help but think how serious their relationship was, only now realizing that he didn’t know enough about Adam because he would usually change the subject whenever Amy would bring him up.

Amy grabbed her coat and walked over to him, startling Jake when he turned around to find her standing so close to him. 

“Come on, let’s go,” she said.

\------------------

Jake tapped his fingers on the steering wheel anxiously, looking back and forth from the windshield and the side mirror. Really, he was just trying to concentrate on literally anything else besides his partner sitting beside him.

That dress was really something else.

But, there was also this strange tension between them at the moment and it felt unfamiliar. It felt cold and hot at the same time. Amy hadn’t talked to him ever since they left the restaurant and it was weird because he figured that she must have had a lot of questions about the lead. 

But she was quiet the whole time and he wasn’t sure if it was because of him or if she was dealing with something on her own.

“So… Adam seems nice.” He broke the silence, he had to.

He could feel Amy’s eyes on him but he kept his eyes on the side-mirror. 

“He is.” 

Her tone was different. It was cold and unfriendly. 

Now he could clearly tell that something was wrong and that Amy was really refusing to talk to him. He turned now to look at her and she was looking outside the window. 

“Amy, are you mad at me?” Wait. That wasn’t what he wanted to say but he had said it anyway and it was too late to take it back. He didn’t mean to sound so confrontational but he was frustrated and he wasn’t even sure why. 

She didn’t answer. Whatever it was that she was looking at outside her window was apparently more interesting than him. 

“Amy?” 

“Yes, I am.”

Amy had turned to look at him, meeting his gaze. Jake shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying to process if he had heard her right. She  _ was  _ mad at him? 

“Jake…” she began, pausing to let out that heavy sigh she had been holding in for a while now. 

“I need to get over you…” 

Jake felt as if he was being punched in the gut because he absolutely did not expect that. But, somehow a little part of him did. 

“...but it’s been kind of hard to do that,” she continued, mustering up enough confidence to look him in the eyes as she said those words. 

If he wasn’t sure then, he was sure of it now - Amy still had feelings for him. They had gone through months of just trying to get back to normal; him giving her space and her treating him like she used to. Jake was not entirely sure if Amy had completely gotten over her feelings for him but she did start acting normally around him again, like friends and colleagues. As much as he wanted her to stop hurting because of her feelings for him, he was also somewhat upset at the thought that she no longer  _ liked him like that. _

And to be honest, it was because he was also still, slightly, possibly, just a teeny bit, not over her.

Emotions were confusing.

“You could’ve called me, you know. You could’ve called instead of barging in on my date like that.” 

Fair point. She was right, he could have called but he didn’t and he was pretty sure he had done it on purpose. He wanted to see what Adam looked like only because he wanted to make sure that he was real and that she was dating someone. Although, he really should not have cared this much and let her date whoever she wanted. He really needed to start breaking the habit of intervening on her dates. Apparently, he had done this more than once and he was only realizing it now.

“Amy. I’m sorry…” He finally said. 

“It’s okay.” She gave him a small smile before turning away. 

Before he could say something in response, he was startled by the sudden knock on his side of the window. 

“Yo, you’re the detective?”

\----------------

Jake had offered to drive Amy home and she had surprisingly said yes. The drive to her house was quiet but comfortable. The tension they had before was barely noticeable now ever since their meet-up with the informant. 

“Are you sure you’re a cop? Why are you dressed like this?” Their informant had asked Amy. 

“Hey, have some respect. She’s my partner,” Jake retorted. 

“No, I mean damn you look nice, ma’am. I wish all cops would look like you.” Amy had smiled at that, she knew he was genuinely trying to compliment her. 

“But why do  _ you _ look like this?” He asked Jake, shaking his head as he gave him a once-over, clearly judging his choice of clothes. Jake quirked his eyebrow at him, feeling offended.

“Leather jackets are so 90’s man,” he said. 

“Hey, leather jackets are cool!” 

Amy who was standing beside him was now laughing. 

Even though Jake was slightly cheesed off by the unwanted judgment on his fashion sense, he was somewhat grateful for Trey the Weed Dealer guy for breaking the tension between him and Amy. 

Jake pulled up in front of Amy’s house, a small part of him was disappointed that it only took 10 minutes to get there. Amy didn’t get out of the car right away; instead she remained in her seat, fiddling with the button on her coat as if waiting to say something. 

He couldn’t help but look at her. 

There was this weird feeling tugging at his heartstrings and it had been like that for a while now but only when he was staring at her longer than he intended to. He had been at war with his emotions for the past few months and he was constantly frustrated for not knowing what to do with them. Whenever he was with Sophia, those feelings would disappear but only for a moment before they came back more aggressively than they had before.

Sophia had been quite distant from him for a while now and he had tried to convince himself that it was because she had a lot to do at her job. She had taken up a lot of cases lately and admittedly, he too had been trying to drown himself in work cases of his own. 

But with Sophia being distant, the emotions that he had been trying to hide at the back of his head were slowly reappearing. The fact that he had been working a lot with Amy lately was not making it easier for him to disregard those feelings. 

To which had led to a few close calls. 

Looking back, he was amazed at how good he was at holding himself back. The way that his feelings would appear out of the blue, overwhelming him - it was almost impossible to fight against it but he did. Because he was scared of ruining his relationship with Amy. 

“Listen, Jake… what I said just now,” she paused to look at him. “I really don’t want things to be awkward between us.”

Jake smiled, nodding. “Me too.”

She smiled back, looking down at her hands. 

“I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you. I’ve probably said some dumb things around you and I… I’m sorry,” he apologized. 

“I’m sorry too, for you know… being all awkward and making things hard for you…” 

“Being all awkward and making things hard for you, title of your sex tape,” he quickly interrupted. She looked up at him and smiled and then erupted into a laugh. 

“Can’t believe I’m saying this but I actually miss that,” she said. 

Now he was laughing, feeling the tension that was in the air finally dissipating. He, too, had missed this. 

And then it was quiet again, but it was the good kind of quiet where they just sat there in the comfortable and familiar presence of each other. 

“Let’s not talk about this, ever again…” she said quietly. “I mean, I don’t think I can handle it. I’m so embarrassed at myself,” she continued as she chuckled awkwardly. 

Jake pursed his lips, nodding his head. 

“Yeah...um, you’re right. Yeah. Sure. Let’s not…” he trailed off when she looked up to meet his eyes. 

“Thanks, Jake.”

He smiled, nodding absent-mindedly. 

“Maybe Adam and I could even be a better couple than you and Sophia,” she joked. He managed to force out a chuckle at that.

“You probably could,” he said back with a weak smile. 

At that, she finally gathered her things and opened the door of the car, turning around slightly to look at him with a smile on her face. 

“See you tomorrow.”

He smiled back at her, one hand at the steering wheel and the other on the gear shift.

“See you.”

He didn’t leave right away. He watched as she waved him goodbye before entering her house and closing the door behind her.

And then he left, with a head full of thoughts and confusing emotions.

  
  


\----------------

  
  


The squad was at Shaw’s for the night. It had been another one of those long hectic weeks where everyone was just drowning in piled-up paperwork from the month before. 

When Gina had announced that they should all get smashed at Shaw’s by the end of the week, everyone was immediately on board. 

Amy was only one drink in and she was already feeling tipsy. Maybe it was because she had been so exhausted all week but also her alcohol tolerance had been weak since the last drink she had was the month before on her date with Adam. 

She had gotten up from her seat and excused herself to go to the bathroom when she noticed Jake walking out the back, disappearing behind the door to the alley. She raised an eyebrow and approached the door, looking at him from the small gap between the door frame since it couldn’t close the whole way. 

Jake was just leaning against the wall, staring aimlessly at his phone. 

Amy slowly pushed the door open and walked out but he remained still, his eyes on the screen. 

“Jake… you okay?” she asked quietly, closing the door behind her.

He finally looked up at her and quickly pushed himself off the wall once he realized who it was. 

“Yeah, I am,” he answered, poking his inner cheek with his tongue. A heavy sigh escaped him as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Sophia and I… broke up.” 

And at that moment, Amy felt her heart drop. 

Head - full of thoughts...

...and extremely overwhelming, confusing emotions. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that I tend to write based on the actual things that happened in the show. So, whatever you read here, the looks and the smiles - you could actually see them in the episodes. Cus I actually watch them before I start writing. The next chapter is probably not going to be canon but I can't say yet, guess we will all find out together lmfao. Thank you for reading and as usual, comments and kudos. Love yall <33
> 
> I posted this without proof reading. I’ll do that tomorrow when I’m human again


	4. “it's Johnny and Dora”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Igor stood by the open door of the driver’s seat, looking at Jake as he placed his hand on the steering wheel. Jake leaned back and watched him as he got too close. That was when he realized the gun that Igor was pressing against him. 
> 
> “Drive safe,” Igor said as he pressed the steel muzzle even deeper against Jake’s rib. It was a warning. 
> 
> Jake pressed his lips together and nodded his head slowly. “You got it,” he replied, successfully hiding the panic in his voice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, has it been more than a month since my last update? I am so sorry! I pretty much used up all my creative juice on my other multi-chaptered which is now completed, finally. So now I can focus all my muse on this. Tysm for waiting and reading. Here's a shoutout to Incestiago gc (this is an inside joke, do not come at me), ya'll are the best bunch of weirdos and i love you all so much. Also spot that easter egg ;) And to my readers, i love you all too <33 As usual, kudos and comments so I'll have the motivation to write the next chapters faster. I've decided this is going to be a long one :)
> 
> Also note: tags have been updated.  
> TW: There will be mention of guns and violence from now on

The rest of the night went by like a blur. 

Jake stirred in his sleep, his eyes moving rapidly behind his closed eyelids with scenes from the night before replaying itself like an 80’s tv show montage. 

And then he was on the floor.

Jake had fallen off the couch with a loud thud, his body tangled in a soft blue blanket that smelled like lavender and peach. The scent was familiar but he was clearly too inebriated to figure it out. He squinted his eyes, bringing an arm in front of his face to cover himself from the sunlight streaming in through the window, groaning at how bright it was.

And it was then when he realized that this was not his house.

Those windows didn’t look like his. The nice curtains were not his either.

There was even a vase filled with fresh flowers on the table, they were definitely not his.

And the blanket. The couch. The damn coffee table that he hit his back with just seconds ago.

He most definitely was not in his house. 

“What the fuck…” he breathed.

“You’re up. What are you doing on the floor?”

Jake snapped his head around quickly to find Amy standing at the edge of the couch looking at him with a raised eyebrow. He groaned at the aching in his head that was now too prominent to ignore. 

He grabbed his hair, wincing in pain and blinking repeatedly as he struggled to adjust his vision to the brightness of the room. “Amy, where am I?” He asked when he finally looked up at her again with glassy and bloodshot eyes. She was in a white baggy shirt and shorts? He really couldn’t tell if she was wearing pants. The hem of her shirt was resting just slightly below her thighs and he had to look away immediately when he caught himself staring at her legs longer than he intended to.

“You’re at my house. And now you’re on my floor,” she told him, offering her arm to him. 

He grabbed onto her arm and pulled himself up to his feet before quickly bringing his hand to his head again, grabbing tightly onto his hair and hoping it would help relieve some of the aching in his head. Hangovers suck big time, he thought to himself. 

“Why am I in your house?” He asked, his face scrunched up with confusion. His expression quickly changed when the realization hit him.

“Did we have sex?” 

“What? No!” Amy was visibly taken aback by that and she couldn’t stop the blush that was blooming on her cheeks. 

“Oh, thank god,” he sighed. “I mean…” he quickly said, realizing how that may have sounded to her. “...not thank god ‘cus I don’t want to sleep with you…” he paused again, realizing his mistake. “...shit, uh, I mean I _don’t_ wanna sleep with you, I just mean…’

“No, yeah Jake I got it. It’s okay,” she quickly stopped him, flashing him a small smile. 

Jake internally cursed himself as he rubbed the back of his neck, wishing he hadn’t said anything at all. Hungover Jake was too dumb to handle awkward situations like this. It shouldn’t have been a surprise because Sober Jake was the same way. 

“So, uh…” Amy handed him a small towel to which he hesitantly took from her hand. “You can use my bathroom. It’s in there,” she said, pointing to her bedroom. The thought of having Jake in her bedroom felt strange to her, but not in a bad way - which made it even that much weirder. 

\--------------------------

Jake leaned into the bathroom counter, his palms resting against the tiled surface as he assessed himself in the mirror. Disheveled hair, bloodshot eyes and unbuttoned shirt, needless to say, he looked like shit and yet he could not for the life of him remember what had happened. One thing was sure, he was relieved he didn’t sleep with Amy. 

He couldn’t imagine what a disaster that would have been and how it could potentially destroy their friendship. He, slightly still had feelings for her. But he wasn't about to ruin her relationship with someone else just because he wanted a chance with her. He wasn't even sure what he wanted at this point. He did just come out of a relationship.

‘She’s still with that accountant guy, right? Mr. whatshisface,’ he thought to himself. ‘Alex? Andy?’ 

He turned on the tap and splashed water onto his face, sighing at the feeling of cold water on his dry skin. “Adam,” he said to himself, finally remembering. 

_‘He’s sleeping over?’_

_‘Yeah. He’s so out of it. Look at him.’_

_‘I don’t know, Amy. This is kind of weird.’_

_‘I’m sorry, Adam. But I promise you, it’s nothing. He’s my partner. He’d do the same for me.’_

_‘I guess I understand…’_

Hold on a second. He froze where he stood as he let the water drip down his chin and onto the countertop. His memories were coming back to him fast and apparently Adam was in it. Adam was here?

Adam _was_ here. And then he was not. But he was and Amy was. 

Couch. Floor. Coffee table. Headache. 

_“Thanks for letting me stay, Ames. I love you...so much.”_

Hold the fuck up. What did he say? 

And just like that, the memories from last night were back, clear as day.

\--------------------------

Jake had one arm over Amy’s shoulders as he stumbled clumsily into her living room, kicking his shoes off and letting them fall haphazardly across the floor. His weight was on Amy and she was struggling to keep him upright as she walked them towards her couch. 

They were almost there when Jake suddenly lost his footing and fell onto the floor next to the couch, bringing her down with him. ‘Ow,’ Jake mumbled lazily, rubbing his head. So much for trying to gently place him on the couch. He had knocked his head against the foot of the coffee table when he fell; that explained the major headache he was having. 

But that was not even the worst part. 

Amy was now on top of him. On his body. Her whole weight on him now and her face was so close to his, he could feel her breath brush against his skin. 

He smiled at her with droopy eyes as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight against him. “You’re awesome,” his words came out slurred. Amy’s body seemed to have frozen on top of him and she remained unmoving for the next few minutes, even when he had buried his face in her hair. Lavender. 

“Thanks for letting me stay, Ames. I love you...so much.”

And then everything was black.

Well, _fuck._

\--------------------------

Amy stirred the coffee absent-mindedly as she looked out the window of her kitchen. 

Her mind wandered to the night before. 

She remembered how her heart dropped to her stomach when she heard him. It didn’t make it any easier that she was in his arms, on his body with his face in her hair. She had never been that physically close to him before. The only time that almost happened was when they were tailing Denman at the abandoned apartment. But he had never wrapped his arms around her like this.

Come to think of it, Jake had never hugged her. He’s hugged Charles plenty of times before. He’s hugged Gina because they basically grew up together. Hell, he even hugged Rosa a few times before but never her. She always thought that was weird. There had been a few instances when he almost went for it; when she noticed him turn towards her, beaming with excitement and she knew a hug was coming but - it never did. 

But now she finally knew what it felt.

It felt strange. 

But it felt good. 

Her breath hitched when he began to stir under her, mumbling words that she couldn’t quite hear. When one of his arms fell to his side, she knew that was her chance to push herself off of him but she didn’t. She stayed there, observing his face.

Up close - she had never seen him up close like this before. Now she could see how long his eyelashes were. He was always talking about how people were not a fan of his nose, but she never saw it as a problem. It suits him just fine. Just like the dimple on his chin, it was cute but perfect for him.

His mouth was slightly parted because he wasn’t breathing through his nose and she couldn’t help but notice how pink his lips were. She smiled thinking just how much trouble he had gotten in over that mouth - he was always saying the dumbest shit but it never failed to make her laugh. 

And his eyes - they were brown and, wait. 

Her body stiffened when she noticed that he had opened his eyes and was now staring back at her. And for a moment, they stayed like that. Amy held her breath and pursed her lips as she tried to read his face. She couldn’t tell if he was really awake and aware of what was happening. 

That was when he brought his hand up to her face, cupping it gently and started rubbing circles on her cheek with his thumb. Her heart was pounding rapidly now that she could even hear the thumping beat in her ears.

But before she could react, his hand fell back to his side and he was out cold once again. 

This time she finally pushed herself off of him and stood up. She watched him as he curled his body on the floor, shifting uncomfortably in his half unbuttoned shirt with his tie hanging loose around his neck. 

According to Terry, they were from the Charity Gala that Sophia’s company was throwing and that was the reason why they were dressed so fancy. Also from the sound of it, they probably crashed the event because it ended with Jake bringing in Sophia’s boss to the precinct in handcuffs. 

The rest of the night clearly did not end well for him. 

_“Sophia and I… broke up.”_

When she heard him say that, she didn’t know what to make of it. She wanted to say something in response, to ask why, to go up to him and comfort him. But all she ended up doing was stand there next to him, her mind blank as she watched him stare at his phone. 

When Charles opened the door, Amy finally moved from where she stood, turning to look at Charles who was making his way to Jake and putting his arm around him. 

“Let’s get you inside, buddy,” he said, bringing Jake back into the bar. Amy watched as the door closed, now aware that she was standing outside by herself - her heart beating erratically in her chest.

Her heart ached for him. 

\--------------------------

Amy turned around, breaking her gaze from the window when she heard Jake clear his throat. He was leaning against the kitchen counter with her pink towel draped over his shoulder, his hair still messy but slightly wet now. 

“I made you coffee,” she said quickly, not wanting the silence to linger any longer. She walked over to him and handed him the cup. He smiled and thanked her before bringing it to his lips to take a sip. 

“So, hey listen,” he began as he turned slightly to place the cup on the counter.

“I’m not sure what happened last night but I uh…” She watched him nervously, her heart was beginning to beat faster again. “I’m sorry if I said something stupid,” he said, chuckling nervously. 

She couldn’t help but think that the ‘something stupid’ that he was referring to was him telling her that he loved her. So he finally remembered. 

“You didn’t say anything stupid…” she mumbled under her breath, her eyes on the floor. 

“What?”

“Huh, what? Oh, I mean it’s okay. You were drunk,” she quickly recovered. She turned and headed towards her coffee machine to pour herself a drink, desperate to hide the hurt expression on her face.

Yes, she was hurt. Did her feelings for him disappear when she started dating Adam? Clearly not. 

She had laid in bed for the whole of last night (and also the nights before that) debating with herself about her feelings for him. And she came to one conclusion. 

She was not over Jake and she was just going to accept that fact. There was no point in trying to deny her emotions if they were just going to overwhelm her whenever he was standing close to her.

Oh and he was close. Extremely close.

She liked the way it felt being in his arms even if it was for a brief moment. The fluttering in her stomach didn’t stop until she drifted to sleep. But when she woke up to find him on the floor of her living room, they were back. 

She took a sip from her cup as she looked out the window again, watching an old man walking across the road with his Labrador.

“Shit, it’s 8. I gotta go.” Jake took a swig of his coffee but quickly regretted it. “Fuck, it burns!” Amy watched him fan his tongue but then continued to drink out of the cup.

Amy couldn’t help but smile at him. 

He wasn’t sure how but he finished his coffee anyway, but now his tongue was definitely suffering from a first-degree burn. Jake left the kitchen and made his way to the living room, scanning the couch and the floor for his belongings and found his wallet tucked between the cushions. Once he made sure he had everything, he grabbed his suit and headed for the door but stopped halfway. He turned back and saw Amy walking towards him with his tie in her hand.

“You forgot this,” she said. 

“Right,” he took it from her and draped it over his neck. “Hey, thanks for letting me stay.”

Her body stiffened at hearing him say those words again. 

“It’s fine. You’re a friend,” she replied, proud of herself for sounding so unaffected by her racing heart.

The sound of the doorbell ringing startled the both of them and they simultaneously snapped their heads towards the door. Amy quickly walked towards it to see who it was from the peephole. “Adam,” she breathed.

They left things pretty awkward last night. 

\--------------------------

‘I guess I understand…’ Adam said with a sigh as he looked over at Jake who was snoring softly on his girlfriend’s couch - or was she even his girlfriend?

Her partner, a man, sleeping on her couch. In her house. Wrapped in her blanket. 

He’d be lying if he said it didn’t bother him. Girlfriend or not, this was another man inside her home. Hell, even he himself hadn’t had the chance to stay over. 

He watched as Amy tried to pull Jake off the floor and onto the couch and without thinking much, Adam had walked over to help her out. Once Jake was flat on the cushions, he threw an arm over his closed eyes, grumbling something incoherent. But two words stood out, loud and clear. 

“Ames. Stay…”

Adam quickly turned to look at Amy to make sure he wasn’t the only one who heard it. 

She was staring at Jake, her lips parted in surprise. But there was something else. 

The way she was looking at him. 

It definitely was not a look that she had ever given him. No, she never looked at him with those eyes. For months, he’d been hoping for her to look at him like that. But never, not yet, but someday, he’d hoped. But now, this changes things. Now he knew why he could never have that. 

Now he knew the reason why it had been so difficult for her to be closer to him. She tried and he noticed, but something was holding her back. They had kissed a few times and while it felt good, it didn’t feel right. Maybe because she would never kiss him back with the same passion. And cliche as it may be, there was just no spark between them. 

And yet now here she was, staring at her partner passed out on her couch with those eyes, eyes that were filled with emotions and -

Any idiot could tell what that look meant. 

“You… like him. Don’t you?”

It took everything from her to pull her gaze from Jake and face Adam. She looked at him with glassy eyes, evidently her emotions had gotten the best of her. It was one thing to hear him say ‘I love you’ before and she had tried to brush it off as nothing. And then there was that moment again when he touched her face while staring into her eyes. But to have him say her name again in his sleep - it could not _not_ mean anything, right?

Adam was looking at her, searching her face for an answer. The way her eyes were brimming with tears was enough to tell him what he needed to know. 

He would be lying if he said he didn’t expect this. He had suspected it for a while now, that the whole reason that it was hard for her to open up to him was because she had feelings for someone else. He had also suspected that it was _the_ Jake Peralta who surprisingly was not brought up in more of her stories from work despite him being her partner and desk mate. He had really thought that it was probably because the guy was a douchebag but considering what was happening right now, that was not the case.

She didn’t answer and that was enough to tell him what she really felt. 

He wasn’t sure what to feel. Upset, yes. Disappointed, also yes. Angry? Yes, a little bit. He felt cheated, in a way. But he was going to take some time to process this. He was going to handle this rationally, just like how he handles his accounts. This was just like maths, his next move should be calculated or he’d risk losing everything. 

Adam straightened his shoulders and took a deep breath, mentally telling himself to address this new surprising information in his calmest manner. 

“How long?” 

He needed to know. He needed to assess the damage - to see if this relationship was something worth saving. 

“I don’t know…a year?” Had she really been pining that long?

He pursed his lips, nodding - searching for words to say next but failed. He briefly stared at the floor and then back at her. 

“I’m gonna..leave. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

That was rational. Maybe a bit too calm, but rational. Because that ugly feeling of sadness and anger was beginning to bubble up inside him and he needed to remove himself from the situation before he could say anything that could jeopardize whatever was left of their relationship. 

So he left with the knowledge that his girlfriend, if she still even was, was in her house with a man that she clearly has feelings for. 

\--------------------------

Adam stood in the doorway and immediately made eye contact with Jake. 

Jake greeted him with a curt nod and a small smile and Adam responded the same way. 

“I...uh, I’m gonna go now. See you later, Ames. And uh, you too, Adam.” Jake said as he slipped himself between Adam and the doorframe and finally out of the house. 

\--------------------------

Jake entered the briefing room 15 minutes late and was awarded with a _look_ from both the Sergeant and Captain. How the hell do they look so fresh after being so wasted? They did get _sauced_ together, right? 

“Thank you for joining us, Peralta. As I was saying, Boyle, Diaz and..." the Captain paused, adjusting his glasses. "Hitchcock?" He turned to look at Terry for confirmation. The Sergeant shrugged and gave him a nod. 

"Okay... Boyle, Diaz and Hitchcock. You're on the Walker case." 

"Yes!" Hitchcock pumped his fist in the air. "We're gonna be a great threesome." 

A simultaneous groan erupted in the room and Diaz turned to give Hitchcock a death stare. 

"I was in an 8-some once. Actually, my brother was, I just happened to walk in..."

The room erupted into a groan again. 

“I think one of our cousins was in it as well...”

"Come on, Scully!" said Jake, his face contorted in disgust. 

"And Peralta, I have a case for you,” said the Captain as he made his way over to where Jake was sitting. He placed the case files onto the table in front of him before returning to the podium. 

Jake flipped the file open, scanning the print briefly before abruptly standing up from his seat that his chair slammed against the table behind him, startling Charles. 

“You’re giving me the Ivanov case?” 

“Yes, Peralta. Will that be a problem?” 

“No! Wow. This is HUGE!” Jake was now grinning from ear to ear as he fanned himself with the file. It _was_ huge. He had been eyeing the case for months now but figured he wouldn’t get his hands on it since there were talks that Major Crimes was going to take it. 

He had been dying to get on a huge case and it could not have come at a more fitting time. He needed the distraction from his breakup and… the other unexplored feelings and emotions that he’d rather not think about at the moment. 

“We have an informant ready to meet you at 1300 hours later today,” Terry informed, pointing at the photo of a middle-aged Russian man with a majestic looking beard. 

Jake couldn’t contain his excitement. This was the Die-Hard mission that he had always dreamed of. He was finally going to have his John McClane moment. 

“His name’s Dimitri Antonov. He’s been one of the ‘runners’ for Ivanov for over 7 years now and he’s contacted us recently to help with the case,” Holt explained.

“Why now?” Rosa asked, crossing her legs on the table. 

Jake was beaming at Captain Holt like a puppy waiting for a stick to be thrown his way. 

“There was a little screw up not too long ago and now his family’s lives are in danger. They’re threatening to kidnap his daughter,” Terry answered. 

“Oh my god. Of course they are!” Jake exclaimed a little too enthusiastically. “I mean, that’s very bad but - come on,” he squealed. “You gotta admit, that’s super cool.”

“Super cool,” Charles echoed from behind him and Jake immediately turned to give him a high-five.

“Peralta this is a serious mission. Can we trust you with this?”

Jake quickly switched to his serious mode, his grin disappeared as he straightened his shoulders. 

“Of course. You have my word, Captain.”

\--------------------------

Jake entered the bodega with his hands in his pockets, scanning the room carefully but casually as to not arouse suspicions. There were at least 3 other people in there minus the cashier and they were otherwise occupied with picking out their respective essentials off the racks. He maneuvered through the narrow space between the racks to get to the drinks section with only one thing in mind - Orangina. 

He pulled the fridge door and kept it open as he stood there, pretending to mull over the drink selections as if it was the hardest thing he had to do. Orangina was just right in front of him but he needed to stall. 

That was when he heard the bell ring, indicating that someone had just entered the store. And someone did, but it was not who he expected it to be. 

“Jake?”

“Amy?” 

“Let me guess, Orangina?” She chuckled. 

“Amy, what are you doing here-” 

“Jake? What-” 

She stopped herself when Jake’s eyes widened as he looked over her shoulder. 

“Who is this? I thought I told you to come alone.” Jake pulled Amy to his side and so she was finally facing the owner to the voice. Immediately she knew the situation that she had gotten herself into. 

This was a meet-up and she was not supposed to be there. 

This is the reason why she has FOMOW. The one day that she decided to be off from work and already she missed out on an important piece of information. She berated herself for having chosen the wrong day off from work.

“This is my partner. Look, maybe we should move this someplace else,” Jake said in a hushed tone as he scanned the room once again. It was getting too crowded and he feared that people would start getting suspicious at this little ‘gathering’ that they were having near the fridge. 

“Dimitri!”

The three of them simultaneously froze where they stood. A tall blonde man was making his way towards them and his eyes were focused on both Jake and Amy. Walking away now would screw this whole operation and so they stayed put, immediately switching into their undercover personas. 

The man was at least 6’5 feet tall and both Jake and Amy had to tilt their heads up to look at him. 

He was clean-shaven and his blonde hair was slicked back with an insane amount of hair gel. There was a prominent looking scar on his left eyebrow and Jake couldn’t help but think of Scar from Lion King. 

He also had a gun on him; it was peeking out of his shirt and he wasn’t even trying to hide it. He wanted them to know that he was armed.

Amy took note of the huge Medusa tattoo that covered almost all the skin of his left arm. This man was in a white v-neck and yet he still looked frightening as hell. 

He spoke something in Russian to Dimitri while keeping his eyes on Jake and Amy. The way that he was looking at them with those piercing green eyes was making Jake nervous. And he could tell Amy was too but she maintained her bravado, making it seem believable that she belonged there. 

Jake quickly searched through his mental database for a perfect excuse to tell the frightening-looking man as to why they were congregating with one of his men. And he was prepared to say something when the man pushed Dimitri aside and was now fully facing them. 

“You two, make delivery?” He asked as he crossed his arms over his chest. They looked tiny standing next to him. 

Jake's eyes shifted to Dimitri, hoping to get an explanation on whatever the hell this man was asking them about. Dimitri shrugged and mouthed something. Jake was not a lip-reading expert but fortunately for them, Amy was. So he turned to look at her and thankfully, it looked like she already deciphered the message that Dimitri was sending. 

“Hey, I’m talking to you,” he snapped as he moved to block Dimitri from their view.

“Yes, as planned. 3pm. We’re your guys.” Amy responded with confidence.

Her unexpected presence may have almost botched the mission but Jake thanked whatever entity there was that she was there with him. 

“Why you early?” The man asked this time, his accent was exceptionally thick that there was without a doubt this man was a hundred percent, Russian. 

“You know what they say, time is money,” said Jake now with a grin on his face. He was going for the funny guy persona because Amy had clearly taken the badass role in this storyline. Besides, he wanted to see if the man had the ability to break into a smile or literally any other expression other than the one he has had on for the last few minutes. 

The man scoffed and nodded towards Jake. 

“What’s your name?” He asked. 

He had already searched the room for a name idea beforehand and decided what it was going to be once he saw one of the magazines by the cashier. 

“Johnny,” he answered confidently. 

Damn, Johnny Depp looked hot in that Manhattan Magazine cover, he thought to himself. It was only fitting to use that name since he was known as the man of many faces. And Jake was, technically, a man of many faces as well. 

“And you?” He turned to Amy now.

She straightened her shoulders so she could keep her eye contact with him when she answered, “Dora.”

“Okay, Johnny. Dora. Outside, in 10 minutes,” he instructed, turning to leave. They watched as he exited the store, making sure he was out of earshot before they gathered once again. 

“Who the hell was that? I thought you said you were coming alone?” Jake asked Dimitri, hissing through his teeth. 

“I didn’t know he was following me.”

Jake groaned and ran his fingers through his hair. This was not how it was supposed to go. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to inform the Sergeant about the change of plans. 

“What delivery are we doing anyway?” Amy was asking now. 

“Whiskey.”

“Excuse me what?”

“Whiskey. You know, alcohol.” 

\--------------------------

It was exactly seven minutes later when they left the bodega.

“So, why did you choose Dora? Dora the Explorer?” Jake asked, smirking.

Amy scrunched her face and gave him the ‘are you serious’ look. “No. Dora, as in Dora Musielak,” she replied.

“Who?”

Amy’s mouth fell open in shock but she immediately remembered that this was Jake she was talking to, the same man who had only read 15 books in his life. 

“She’s a Mexican-American aerospace-engineer and historian. She wrote Sophie’s Diary. I was just reading that last week.”

“Ooh, is that one of those romantic novels?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

“No. It’s historical fiction with maths in it.” 

“People write about that?”

\--------------------------

Jake and Amy followed Dimitri as he led them to an alley behind a closed restaurant. There was a truck and two men were busy loading the back with casks of what they assumed to be ‘whiskey.’ It clearly wasn’t. 

The blonde whose name was Igor, apparently, had just emerged from the back door of the restaurant and called out to them. 

“You know where to go, right?” He asked as he handed Jake the keys to the truck. Jake grabbed it from him and gave him a nod. “Yep,” he answered. Dimitri had already briefed them about what they had to do and where they had to go so now it was only a matter of following said orders whilst maintaining their cover.

“Good.” 

Jake and Amy climbed into the seats of the truck and waited for them to finish loading. He looked over at Amy - and while her expression showed nothing, he knew that she was nervous. He gave her a smile and she smiled back. 

It didn’t matter that they had done this for years now, their jobs were never going to be easy. Like it or not, they had to acknowledge that every day on this job, their lives were at risk. Especially in a situation like this - things were uncertain. The fate of their lives was uncertain.

It did give him a sense of relief knowing that Amy could probably handle the situation better than he could. She had proven that countless times before. She was smarter and more level-headed; hell she was probably even braver than he was. 

But at that moment, he couldn’t help but feel concerned about her safety.

He could only hope that things would not go south. Thankfully, it was going fine so far. They have managed to keep their cover and nobody was suspicious, yet. 

Igor stood by the open door of the driver’s seat, looking at Jake as he placed his hand on the steering wheel. Jake leaned back and watched him as he got too close. That was when he realized the gun that Igor was pressing against him. 

“Drive safe,” Igor said as he pressed the steel muzzle even deeper against Jake’s rib. It was a warning. 

Jake pressed his lips together and nodded his head slowly. “You got it,” he replied, successfully hiding the panic in his voice. 

Igor gave him a smirk and stepped away before closing the door for him. The two men jumped into the back of the truck and banged onto the side, signaling that it was time to move.

Jake swallowed the lump in his throat and turned the keys in the ignition. 

\--------------------------

Terry closed the door of the Captain’s office behind him before taking a seat in front of the captain. Captain Holt rested his elbows on the table and entwined his fingers together as he released a sigh. He looked at Terry and shook his head.

“You’re saying Santiago is with him? Why was she in the store?”

“Yes. Apparently, it was an honest coincidence. But they saw them together. He had his men following Dimitri.” 

The Captain sank back into his seat and released another sigh. 

“Who did they mistaken them for?”

“Runners.”

“Do we know who the actual runners are?”

“They were brought in just now for shoplifting. They arrived at the same bodega at 3pm. Probably waited around but since nobody showed up, they left - with some unpaid souvenirs,” Terry explained, turning to look at the couple in the cell. 

“Are you telling me this is another coincidence? Was Dimitri expecting to meet Bonnie and Clyde there? Why would he choose the same place as the meet up?”

Terry shrugged and stood from his seat. 

“I have a bad feeling about this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta leave ya'll with that cliffhanger <33 I had no idea where I was going with this chapter tbh but it ended this way so I’m just gonna go with it lmao
> 
> June 22 - Hi, a little update. the next chapter will be up either this week or the nexth. i've been so caught up with irl stuff so apologies for the super late update! thanks for being patient <3


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